his sweet bullet

and im waiting for it
anticipating it
craving it
im on some rihanna shit
jus waiting for you to
pull the trigger
to my invisble chest
so i can lay down
and permenately rest
im blindfolded
cuz they say love is blind
and my heart is beating slow
off with the tempo
its all behind
while im tryna find
you in this dark we dance in
this dark that hugs my body
i waiting
anticipating
for you're affrimative action
and my confirming reaction
to fall and leave this world
just leave it all
to you
where you created this plan
about a year ago
when you was tryna so hard
to be my man
but i died...
when i wrote my number on ya hand
yeah this was all planned
to taste the metal in my blood
while im blindfolded
and my vision gets hazy
yeah yeah
i know..im crazy
but could you just pull the trigger
...already
and i'll count to 3 for you start
so you can go and break my heart.

cry

You’re strong for the both of us
But I know you’re hurting inside
You try to laugh and joke
But I know its your pride
That chokes you up and
Makes you want to just hide
But baby
I just want you to cry
Can you just give it a try?
Let it all go
And lay your head on my chest
Let your tears glide down my breast
And I will take care of the rest
You hear me? Cause
With me you’re stripped of
What you cover your self up
In front of others
I more than your girl
Or Friend
I wanna take care of you
Like your mother
Im feeling like you are the one
I want to give my vows to
And say …I do
Im feeling like you are the man
God had permanently planned
For you to put a finger on my hand
And I know you feel it too
And when you hurt
I hurt too
Cause baby I am you
In this weird freaky love equation
And I love you… is our summation
So no need to be anyone else than
The man I feel in love with
We have been through too much
And have much more to endure
As long as its with you
So for now I feel you’re heavy heart
And I see the wounds from all those darts
And my love this is the part…
When you just cry.

music pt.2

i love to overdose on it
oh man
my eyes roll back
when my heart beats with the abstract
just put your hand on my chest
as we lay in the never ending rest
fighting with the world will never end
so i go to something that will ease the pain
and let it mend
what are you thinking?
huh? i need it
dont judge
i fiend for it
i breathe it
and with it...
theres no limitations
to the addiction
for me it more than non-fiction
its something of a dedication
more of a medication
to my insanity
it feels my body up
and frustrates me
holds me
in those lonely cold nights
and i cant believe god
could create something so right
so perfect , but once again
it is god
i believe this drug is god
through melodies
symphonies
harmonies
and ....
you read this and think im crazy
but i dont care
im good at running away
when life is unfair
but i dont run away alone
it holds my hand
its all so well-known
that i'll be gone for a while
so far in the distant mile
so i wouldnt bother following me
as i let my joy unfurl
ill soon be back
to this cruel world

surely..you'll break my heart

surely you'll break my
...heart
who wants to be faithful
who wants that part?
we will go up and down
with smiles and frowns
and surely
slowly surely
you'll end up leaving
and my routine starts
with grieving
so why do we run back
to the massacre
why?
because of hope?
because of pleasure?
but really
its the hurt
that is unequally measured
of course you'll break my
...heart
its my favorite part
you wont even realize it
when it happens
but me?
i already know
so call me pessimistic
but im jus being
realistic
while you stand at a
stand still
you dont even know
that youre a natural
at the art of the kill
and its just what i feel
its ok
we all learn to heal
right?
so dont try and act like
you're my heroic knight
whats the point of even
giving this a try
when i forgot how to cry
im only good at saying
goodbye
so leave correct
hey now, no disrespect
but you're way over due
for my heart breaking effect

he never kisses my neck

ha, my momma said
us virgo woman stay
with our men
even if the love dont go according to plan
and ...damn
i wish mama wasnt right all the time
when he doesnt even hold me right
doesnt even kiss me goodnight
and alright, ill jus hold this pillow tight
he loves to fight
thinkin he always right
he never looks into my eyes
he always looks down below
and i know for show
i am jus his show
he keeps me in containment
for i am just his entertainment
yet us virgo women
ha, we dance in denial
cause we think the pain
..is worth our while
ah goodness
he listens but doesnt listen
he touches but doesnt touch
he supposedly loves me
but not that much
and i stay
cause im too lazy to
runaway
and betray this love thats
sits in the middle
of a freeway
hes not a mystery
no need to figure him out
no need to cry and doubt
no need to scream and shout
cause i already know what hes about
hes full of shit
simple as that
as i lay stupid n flat right
by his side
trying be his ride or ...die?
....sighh

russian roulette starring the insecurities

do my insecurities protect me?
do my insecurities choke me?
accusations
accusations
imitations
imitation
fascination
with the abomination
back to the
accusations
accusations
one by one
when im just waiting
on you to say ...
im done
the string
gets thinner
everytime i fall harder for you
cause i was designed to love you
and to mistrust you
as i say things out of the proportion
and you look at me with a puzzled face
i see you're tired of the same ol shit
and i feel like its a disease i have
and i hate myself for that
who do i blame in this
game where i see all
hearts as replicas of the same ol
same of this heatbreakin claim
that drags my neck
like a dog chain
do my insecurities comfort me?
do my insecurities stab me?
i love you i love you
but im so frickin bi-polar
cuz the next min
where were you
why didnt you call
who do i run to
oh i hate it
when i wish i never met you in the first place
wish i never gotten into this case
cause itd be easier walking around like
a zombie
without a care in the world
you see, i aint tryna rhyme
im tryna talk to you
so please accept my tone
and dont hang up the phone
cuz something is whispering to me
that you're the one
and if you call back...
please call back
and knock on my door
please prove you are the one
the one
and only
my one
and dont let my insecurities
play this russian roulette with
this gun.

he never kisses my neck

ha, my momma said
us virgo woman stay
with our men
even if the love dont go according to plan
and ...damn
i wish mama wasnt right all the time
when he doesnt even hold me right
doesnt even kiss me goodnight
and alright, ill jus hold this pillow tight
he loves to fight
thinkin he always right
he never looks into my eyes
he always looks down below
and i know for show
i am jus his show
he keeps me in containment
for i am just his entertainment
yet us virgo women
ha, we dance in denial
cause we think the pain
..is worth our while
ah goodness
he listens but doesnt listen
he touches but doesnt touch
he supposedly loves me
but not that much
and i stay
cause im too lazy to
runaway
and betray this love thats
sits in the middle
of a freeway
hes not a mystery
no need to figure him out
no need to cry and doubt
no need to scream and shout
cause i already know what hes about
hes full of shit
simple as that
as i lay stupid n flat right
by his side
trying be his ride or ...die?
....sighh

cloud 9.

cloud 789
this sweet cloud
i sit on
the number 9
where i jus contemplate
on the joy of you being all mine
you got me dizzy
got me irresponsible
saying things way out of line
but i dont care on this cloud
number 9
when i hear the distant yells
of ignorance and hate
i just turn my head and look
at you
my fate
but oh am i late?
to board that train where i
work for another man's dream?
and it seems the struggle will never
end
but on cloud 9
im feelin like a child again
where nothing even matters
but your touch
and how you adore me so so so so much
cause below this cloud im
a peasant
the ambitious fiend
you all know the scene
but on that cloud you treat me
like a queen
just one kiss
and im going blind
losing my sight
i sparkle like that vampire on
twlight
and i dont want to fight
anymore this feeling that
is choking me soo tight
cuz whoo baby
if its wrong
then i dont want to be right
aiight?
on this cloud 9
you so damn fine
and i have to rhyme
to keep the tempo
with the time
that im losing just wishing you
were here right now
i giggle
my heart wiggles
for it isnt frozen anymore
you... you did that
so ill wrap it up gotta climb down
my latter down to the this cruel world
from that mighty queen back to
that stupid girl
ill jus look up to the sky
and wave goodbye with something
of a smile aligned
to my cloud 9.

another poem about losing you.

I sit in the corner…once again
With an empty heart
And no hope for it to mend
Yeah once again
I listen to the lyrics
‘Memories made in the coldest winter’
As I’m frozen with my face full of splinters
You have moved on
And I watch you smile
And I smile then cry
Then sigh then
Refuse to say bye to this
Day
But you already walked away
While ‘dancing in the moonlight’
Is on replay.
But hey
It was me that fucked up.
I can’t let go, won’t let you go
It’s a feeling I just won’t shake
So,i have no choice, a force of rejoice and no more of a voice,
to simply fall in love with heartbreak.
Give or take
But is there a drug, some kinda viral bug
For me to forget your name
And our delusional fame
That we called our love game
Is there?
Cause ill take anything
I don’t fricking care
Whats to lose?
When I have so many to choose
Yet I keep running back to the ghost
The spirit of you
In my sleep, as I cringe
And want to drown myself
As I weep
A river
An ocean
To end this despair
and this constant tear.

...hi

when i put it to my mouth
the blaze excels
tells
fucking yells out my dreams
and im out... done
im dancing alone
ha, im fucked
but its just my luck
that my dreams turns to
my nightmare
when im telling god
it aint fair
why we gotta work so hard?!
do you even care?
...when it hits my mouth
i aint even trippin
no problem emerge
the know is the unknown
where it dont know shit,
laughing hard, cuz we
will never get it
im fucking high
im swallowing the planets
fucking on mars
and eating the stars
cliche?
but hey
those stars taste soo good
but thats ok
that im defined :misunderstood
when it carresses my mouth
i see my dreams finally
bow to me
surrender to the queen
where i've seen it all
i conquer the world
and no longer fall
oh, i believe this blade
of such a flower
gives me that ....mmmmm
of a genuine mystique power
where I'm sitting pretty on
my golden tower
...but reality labels me as a stranger
and it's nothing but the danger
that touches my mouth
and im feeling like star trek
an instant beam
man, it takes me back to my dreams

if you died today

If you died today
…the world would drown
with my tears, full of images
of your face, I was in our home
…now it just an empty space
If you died today
Id hate you for leaving me
Alone in the cold wind
That screeches a song
So ugly
So wrong
As I plant a seed and
The rain is the tears
I bleed
If you died today
The breath that I breathe now
Would break the promise
The vow of my importance
Of my life
Im jus not ready, not prepared
For the gift of strife
Just because you had to go to heaven
And siin washes me as I become jealous
With a fetish of my rebellious heart
I cant stand you for letting
Go, as we drift apart
Cant you see the chipping
Of my heart?!
The logic explains that im in some
Type of delusional
Psychotic
Denial
Some crazy bitch watching her mind
Run into the distant mile
The logic laughs at the missing poster
On the search of my brain and how
Much I loved you, drives me insane
So if you died today
Id still pretend you’re here
Make the bed, cause I know you’re near
Watching me, getting ready to yell at me
Cause I didn’t do the dishes last night
And ahhhh shit, here comes our daily fight
That I will enjoy every second of cause
If you really died today
Mama…id have nothing to say

the war

...we fight
our own battles
dance with us
in the midst of the night
because we fight
with our wishes
to see daylight
we fight
we believe
we decieve
but recieve
the never ending
war
and feel the
pain from
our hearts
that is tore
and sore
and we pause
and ask
who we fighting for?
sweat and blood
covers the
beauty of every
particle
history
and article
of our lives
but all we can do
is
...fight
we struggle
we scream
let them feel our might
...right?
cause we arent any different
to a lion
a gazelle
we just fight
thinkin it would
prevent us from
surcoming to hell
but ...hell
we already in hell
and the pages
are slowly burning
from the sweet tale
as we
fight in our cage
as known as jail
we hear the snare drum
speeding up
gravitating up
as our heart beats
quicker and the pain
starts
to
comfort
comfort? us
we dont know
that soon we
will be equivalent to the dust
that we sneeze out of our nose
and i jus want to propose
that
we are soldiers
we baffle
we strangle
we fuck
kiss
hiss
miss
our own battles
were our hearts
get so tight
....we just fight

uncle sam

Uncle sam
Gahdamn!
U didnt have to take him
Why?whyy?? Not my man
You jus had to place a gun in his hand
Bring him back to me
Cause i found him first
Bring him back to me
he leaving the best
For the worst
He's blind, my baby done
Lost his damn mind
So ill jus leave traces of my kisses
For he will soon find
Me again and leave u behind
Uncle sam
Pfft.
While u point ya finger
At my man
With your dominant failing plans
Oh no you cant
Take my love away from me
And give him a gun
To fight for �money?
I whisper in his ear
Its all about the money
We aint fighting for our country no more honey
So pls, drop the pen and pick up the bliss
And walk away from uncle sam's list.

aftermath of a mistress

i got the man
and everything went
according to plan
as I stand and sit
pretty
witty
and gay!
but hey!
i aint gay
...i got the man
breast up and attentive
with his eager hands
booty comforting and thick
sex was soooo good
it had me sick
im looking the part
of a victorious mistress
and oh....
i got the man
but its not until
the man i kiss
the man i miss
the one i share
the addicting bliss with
changes
rearranges the game
then i keep my guard up
switch it up
use all the dirty tricks
in the black book
...use it up
until the book is
dried up
and i know
when the shit is at loss
when he says he loves me
with his fingers crossed
the mistress had thought
she had won
thought she was his only one
but really she transformed
into the woman, she took
the man from
yes...its one of those
equations
mmm the painful summation
of my invasion
admitting im turning
into my victim
when i played the villian
cause its like im sitting here
with blood on my hands from
all the killin
and it hurts
this devastating feeling
while shes moved on
shes beautifully healing
and i wish i could be like her
i wish my deranged emotions
could just shut up and concur
because my aftermath
chokes me in this polluted blur
for history repeats itself
in this vicious cycle
and i dont blame your laughs
cause tonights entertainment
is
...the mistress aftermath

warm pillow

every night
those hot school nights
dancing and baffling with
the fact that this shit aint
right
but i'd surely hold that body tight
keep that pillow warm all the way
to light
my home had the impatient
despair
but really?
i didnt care
i'd still keep your pillow warm
then shit changed
...you started to transform
into something i didnt want to
exchange
rearrange
saliva with
but ...shit changed
who you with?
oh baby...
when
why
how
whose the bitch keeping your
pillow warm now?
i laugh writting this parody now
i laugh at the past
and how you were so fowl
ohh!! now you need me?...wow
cause when i take a replica
of a step foward
you block me and every goal
i run toward
wonder who keeps your pillow warm now?
...it use to be me
...it use to be she
...but is it now your tears that
pay the current guilt fee
cause yes! you did lose your
most prized possession
and you're left cold
with an impossible obession
but just tell me...
whose keeping that cold pillow
warm at night for you?
while you sit there from my invisible
sctratches on your back that make you
itch
oh karma? well thats a pretty bitch

tongue twisted

you got me tongue twisted
got my tongue twisted
when you're saying all things
im longing to hear
got my tongue twisted
tongue frozen
along with all my fears
and im hearing a dream
but you say talk is cheap
and i agree
so why dont we just go ahead
and la la la-leap off this cliff
unsure of the danger of the
balance and lift
but everytime im with you
im feeling like its a
god given gift
you got me tongue twisted
speechless
responding like a dummy
trying to sound smart
but aint it funny
how we're so alike
how we can seperate and
5mins later
we unite
how our sex is nothing
but a love fight
how you're my undying light
you got me tongue twisted
got me in a fright
got me praying let this one
be mista right
cause you got my tongue twirled
up so damn tight
cant say anything smart
but maybe
you could be the other half of my heart.

sex without touching

Can you make it last more than 5 minutes
Can you give me that look.
That will make me go crazy?
Make sure everything is ok
with your smooth words?
Love me so hard, I'll shout.
Oh,god I have never felt this before!
Can you work me with your mind?
ha, make me go blind.
A lot of flaws, you'll find.
Understand me, caress my flaws.
Everything and all.
Get inside me with your heart.


Is that possible?

picking the bad apple...on purpose

theres times when im ugly
even fugly!
yet...you still love me
theres times when i cuss
fuss
ohhhh, i have to have it
its a must
yet... you still love me
theres times when i ignore
bore wont even let you explain
i'll jus slam the door
yet...you still love me
when i slap
zap
yap
annoy you trying to rap
yet...you still love me
the constant repetition
the instant recognition
permission
im the car with the fucked up
ignition
cant even start me sometimes
you still love me?
""boo""??
are you still in love
with my flaws and unorderly
clues you have to spend your time
unraveling just to get a kiss
longer than the split second,
like our first kiss, when you missed?
you still saying im with the best
but babe??? babe???
dont forgot your favorite sessions
of my P.M.S
im scared of you
scared of what i found
cause you seem to be still sticking around
to rub my back
while my affection and love
is lacked
and im just ready to attack
at any given second
cause i only prepare myself
for the weak and wack
the ones that leave and deceive
for they are my teachers
they taught me
to look out for myself
to cherish my wealth, beauty
and health
but you switching up the game
cause you just earned your spot
in my hall of fame
separating yourself from the
same ol same
so ima still be scared of you
while you achieve the amazing task
and love me like you do
yet i'll loosen up
smile a lil, more like the
first time i met you
boy, you were so fine and
im still sitting on
this cloud number nine
i just gotta confide baby
yet i still got my armor
and sword by my side

...you still love me??

an attepmt to say thank you (tribute to michael jackson)

oooooooo
look at this!
look at this!
look at this!
he's gliding on the floor
with this glitter
on his fist
oooooo
no he did not
cover ya eyes kid
oh, didnt i say
dont watch!!
while this man
grabs his croutch
oh my
oh my
oh my
he gonna get sick
spinning like a tornado
but oh!!!
damn i like it
when he's telling
'dont stop til ill get enough'
and jeez he had me stupid
when he was teaching me
teaching...me???
my 'ABC's
telling me its easy as
123
thanks man
im glad you care
as you singing
'I'll be there'
cause im falling
in love with you
'I can't help it,
if i wanted to'
oh goodness, gah-lee
can i be your 'PYT'??
I'll have no problem
'Working day and night'
but if you ' Wanna be starting
something' you can jus
'Beat it'
whoa whoa
look at him
dancingon his toes
you're scaring me
doing the impossible
on that stage
got my eyes and mind
fully engage
but its jus
'Human nature'
right??
cause me and 'Billie Jean'
bout to fight.
That kid is not your son!
Oh! and you scared the hell
out of me
with that damn 'Thriller'
but oh, my blood rushed
with thrill, mr. jackson
it's 'The way you make me feel'
with those skills you got
are mad
man mj ...you 'Bad'!
looking suave
dancing like a 'Smooth criminal'
a genuine human being that made me
want to 'make that change if i want
to make the world a better place'
cause the mirror tells a 1,000
stories of our face
you did too much and much more
memories, songs, love,stories
we all were there when your heart
shine
and when your heart was tore
you were everyone's
you were
his
her
theirs
and mine
and all i can do is smile
and ask
do you
'Remember the time'

the sweet memories that kill

memories
...and it's killing me
that you're not here
to have your lips touching
mine
to not have your tongue
intertwined with the saliva
we use to paint our bodies
memories
..and it's killing me
to not have your hand
glistening down my thighs
and the addicting breaths
and sighs that would multiply
intensify
as we
mmmmm. rise
oh baby, you were my butterfly
butter-fly
yet i comply
didnt know
you could literally fly
cause we never had a formal goodbye
memories
...and it kills me
your amazing lies, while i lay
clueless with your morning kisses
and our sunrise
it's just funny,how a love can be so alive
and in an instant second, it dies
without a phone call, a warning
for theres no more good mornings
for these memories
...it kills me to not have you
near
...yet it would kill me
if you were
here

home town tears

let my feet run through this infested beach
with these dirty gray waters staring at me,
warning me,but I have no clue
that i will diminish
just like this ocean that use to be blue
Let danger walk behind me,
for I'm not ashamed to die
with the glimpses of a carnival irritate my eye.
Just let me inhale this pollution
and allow me to search for my sweet memories and
god given solution that are lost in the abyss
of whats curled up in my fist.
let me find my father, while I'm here
cause i remember he left his little princess,
and just left behind a map, for me to trace you
...when i get the chance
Let my colombian hair,
find a way out of it's
suffocating bun,
because I stand still.
My body frozen and stunned of how I got here.
The same place of my ancient happy family stood
Where our smiles made it's prints in the sand.
Where we stood like soldiers, hand in hand.
I was then just a baby
and now I'm at the same place
and now..

it's just me
a broken down "lady"

they call me crazy

when my skin enjoys the kiss from the knife
and my eyes allow the ooze of strife
to drop on the floor where i want to just end my life
when my smile is the best liar in the world
when it's telling a quack story
of such a happy girl.
as she is forced to look up to the sky
and constantly recite sucess sucess
with a voice sooo high,
just wanting to get high
and eat the stars, stars??
but in the real world,
$2 dollas and some change wont get you
that far
sorry.
when i cry once a year
you'll notice the black in my tears
with my precious demons laughing so
near
tryin tofind my angels
cuz i still have the sane
part of me that still screams out to you jesus
knowing one day ill be home..
oh my godd!!!!this insanity
but you just say its just the beauty of humanity
and i walk away saying i guess
but i gotta confess with my forehead
locked in the corner of this place
they call me crazy and such an ungrateful disgrace
but please i hope you can at least see my face
like kenna,
i want to make sure they see my face
as i recite and shout this poem out on stage
as i pull out my hair in this fucking cage!!!!
but they give me pills and label me deranged??
i only got my mother, yet she's getting tired and i dont
blame you ma
18 goddamn years
and im hoping i could just make you proud
as i scratch my arm like a crack fieeend
and my pupils start to get lean
do you know what i tryin to say
know what i mean
have the mic right in front of me
i dont want to be heard
i just want someone to relate
or did i miss that date
that appointment
the fucking lunatic annoymus
they call me crazy
and i know why...
for all these poems i write
our my nightly lullabys
to help me put it down
and wake up to a new day
for someday
they will call me...

i dont know what they'll say

growing pains

I can't even write
yet..I'm writting
here I am yelling at the wall,
constantly reciting
the growth of me
and all I got to say
is it hurts, cause I stand
like a warrior
hit, kicked and bruised
with my frustration in the
abyss
of whats curled up
in my fist
i have contained a little hope
but contain a permanent addiction
and it's the cycle to
how i cope, so stay focus
for the flow has to continue
cause its like im sitting here
reading my dark past on this menu
just waiting for me to choose
which road i will take
but im already the creator
into the messes that i make
while y'all staring at me
just waiting for me to break
and then i say gahdamn!
another mistake
1 loss
1 gain
and i conclude it is
simply my growing pains
so i stand tall
yet so do my flaws
but i remember
i am a warrior
for the battle will
never end between
my insanity
vs.
the sane
and i conclude its nothing
but my
growing pains.

theres no roses here

Dear Rosa,
I'm sick of carrying this burden on my back.
Jairo Jairo.
Sick of losing my humane particles and everything else I lack.
Jairo Jairo.
I want to let go of you, but I won't and I can't
cause I'm scared of your emerging suicide rants
Jairo Jairo.
Don't scare me like that cause all my fears are piled up on our old dusty 'welcome home' mat.
Jairo Jairo.
Mannn, I fucking hate you. Nooo,I love you, I'm sick of writting about you.
Jairo Jairo.
You're the angel I lost
and this fee, this guilt
is such an expensive cost.
Jairo Jairo.
I'm just sick of being...sick.
Tired of carrying this imaginable pain, growing so damn thick.
Jairo Jairo.
You're an once upon a time angel
and I'm the crazed deranged demon.
You're growing into my enemy.
Jairo Jairo.
Get up and be a man.
Get the hell up! and just take my hand.
When the clock is constantly ticking.
I get more distant, cause waiting on you.
Is gonna be the death of me.
Shit, Jairo.

Can't you see?

when life took its last breath

it vanished quickly
a "stupid" choice
to swallow that final pill
but you were the hunter
casue you were in it
for the kill
cant be to forward with
your decision
but you gotta be wise
with you self-murder
and its precision
because they call us crazy
and label us but they
dont know, dont realize
that we all turn into the dust
seeing no place in life
just want to go home
and kiss goodbye
this strife
and good riddance
we did our best but we eventually
got tired and just wanted
to permanently rest
when life took it's last breath
there was no more of a choice
with it's deadly silence
of a terrifying voice
and forgive me..
it's such a risk to post a poem
about suicide
my god, such a risk
to simply confide
and sooner or later
cash in

...and resign.

before (a tribute to jackie kennedy)

Before, you were my president
you were loved
you were america's royal resident
Before, you were the father
of the two gifts we recieved
and it was nothing but heaven
that we retrieved
Before, you were my husband
the man i gave my life
for the bad
and for the good
i was always n forever your wife
Before, you were my fiancee
and i couldn't wait
couldn't anticipate
that you, my fiancee
would wake up with me
everyday
Before, you were my boyfriend
so young and sporadic
and honey, i had to admit...
i was an addict
Before, you were that guy and
you surely caught my eye,
and meeting you,
i never wanted to say goodbye
Before it all, you conquered it all
from bring change to millions
to just...breaking down my walls
but...AFTER it all...



you became my angel.


[i wrote this poem during 2nd period, in the shoes of jackie kennedy, after viewing the horrific clip of JFK's assaination, i was insprired to write. watching that very moment, when JFK got shot, he of course fell on his wife jackie, and it made me think beyond the literal and logical view, that wow, jackie was a ride or die chick. in our modern words,sounds goofy but really... after a few hours surcomin to the unfornutate death of JFK, LBJ was immediately sworn in to take his place, yet jackie was right beside LBJ during the oath, worn out, and devastated...for her outfit had the blood of her husband, resting on her clothes. and i jus thought, man... this is something else. to lose somebody like that.. it made me think of love in general, and how the real love is rare.]

if

if i would
i could
and should
walk across the earth for you
but i wish i could
for my health should
be at a better level
oh it would
cause it seems i could
fight for you
i would
and a victory for me
it should be
cause if i would
then i could
i should
admit you that maybe you could
still be on my brain
....but it would be
soooo insane
to have the analogy
of you living in my veins?
it would
it could
it should
be the scene of you here
with me
but it would be a constant scrunity
its the delirious hope
of our reunion
but mi rosa, could you
oh would you
you should
just run back to me
let it go, for the past
was blown into the infinity
come back to me
i need you here
but i stand here
thinkin
if i would
i could
and mos definetly should

drop your eraser (a dying protest)

you dont know it
but im sitting on the desk
on the back left corner
praying wishing you wouldnt erase
at least not me
my knee spazing out, i want you
to drop the chalk
cause everything u did create
wasnt all worth being erased
oh dont forget us
drop the chalk
oh you must
cuz i look at the clock
and realize, shit this is jus
a poem
and by this time
oh...im suppose to rhyme
ohh please dont cry
with each memory drowned in your tears
with the blood rushing within your
fears
dont let go of everything mi rosa
cause ill never let go of you
put down that eraser, and dont erase it all
jus drop the chalk, the eraser.
but please baby, dont let me fall
do you hear me sobbing?
cant u at least give me some tissue
because you let me go, dont erase this issue
come here damnit
you're making me frustrasted
but oh, i forgot
im invisible and so outdated
that eraser is the analogy of a gun to my face
ending my life, and everything that was in place
put it down, and dont erase me for your delusional
new ephinany of what you call a "new beginning"
cause you have this chalk board full of names
and full of stories
and then there is me... your once upon a time
home town glory
you're making me insane, cause you wont put the eraser down
jesus give him back to me!
oh lord father i dont mean to be rude
but dont let him erase me
dont let him be so crude
oh jus come back to me
and let me touch your beautiful face
let me tou-
let me kis-
let me fe-
where's my air?
let me hol-
where's my breath?
let me sa-
i lo-
y-
im laying in a pool of red
cause you jus erased me
im no longer in your head.
come ba-
-----

toy soldiers

eww,all these toy soldiers
are making me nauseous
whew, im gon have to be more cautious
cause there's alot more than i thought
ha,more than what i caught
mmm,these toy soldiers try to act
like soldiers
yea...right
they act all tough
they pretend they can fight
im sorry i hate to play with your
manhood.manhood??
but you're like the engine that
could.could??
haha, you players make me laugh
cause it's kinda hard for you to
understand your math
you're literally stupid!
you talk all that talk
but you cant...even walk
oh shut the fuck up bitch
you've made me cry to many times
before
now youuuuu get on your knee
because now, youre my whore.
bulk up and grow some balls
you're weak
and no honey...
you DONT have it all
sooner or later,you're schelduled
to fall, toy soldier.

ahem,the villian is me

it turned out that i was the villan
cause i was the one doing all the killing
now theres no one around
not even a silent sound
no heartbeats to be found
the last thing i remember
was touching hearts.
falling in love
now im pieces and parts
back at the great depression
but i guess i deserve it
a hex, and nothing...nothing less
signing this contract, saying i did my best
but i'm the only one who survived
the only one breathing
why am i still alive?
why am i still alive?!
its like im a spawn of darth vader
the darkness starting to cover my space,
but please
make sure they can still see my face
why? cant i find peace
and not pick up the pieces of my heart
my god, i didnt want it to be this way
im falling ...falling apart
but honestly i dont look forward to a new day
why am i still alive??

...oh i know
cause i turned out to be the villan.

stupid and young (interlude)

so young and stupid
stop fluttering around cupid!
i dont love again
i just realizes my heartbeat loves to end
so ill just walk around heartless its easier
for me. you had me in the palm of your hand.
but we young, im jus a girl, you definetly aint no man.
we didnt know what love was, we said it just to say it.
it look good on us, it felt good,rolling off of our tongues.
cause ...we were young
i dont know how i got here, my god, i dont know.
all i know are my fears, and their laughing at me.
they're near. now its another part 2, in standing in the middle of the road
still carrying this heavy load.
im weary, losing care, faith, and everything here and there.
ill sit in the corner, dont need sympathy, all i want is silence.
in begining it all started out with a silent song i sung.
cuz im still stupid...and young.

i hate this part...ok,where's my smile?

[heres the routine]
ok...i understand
without me you'd be a better man
no no! dont think like that
theres no knife on my back
i agree,no such thing, it was just a fling
im a tough one
im pretty difficult to handle
and i comprehend
that you couldnt finish the race
but wow, im amazed at your pace
yahhh i feel your sighs and more sighs
here...a certificate saying
"you stayed longer then the other guys"!
oh my
we had a good ride
i enjoyed your company
and you by my side
remember when i got ice cream stuck on your car
i dont know how i did it
but it stuck like tar
hhaha...your laugh
you had like 30 types
i could list them out
but i know you gotta go in a few
but yah man, friends
once again


me? nah dont worry about me
ima be alright
and i thank you for your company
you were pretty much out of sight.
..now you literally are.

the trashcan

heartaches

mistakes

the despair to embrace

concludes to me,

a disgrace

pain,blood

tears correspond with fears

im deaf, i cant hear

the excessive lies, broken lullabys

death,with its dancing flies

his and her goodbyes

i messed up, i fucked up,

when all i wanna do is go

up

everything went backwards

when i tried to go forward

i was hurt, yet i hurt

i was a mistress, yet also a misfit

he teaches, i learn

i disobey, then i burn

in search of a new mentality

creates the analogy

of a ...

trashcan

oh yes i can

throw it all away

start over into a new day

for i will throw it all away

taking the good things with me

the bad things i will no longer see

i've grown, my eyes have grown with new insights

sounds crazy, but i need this trashcan, to take flight

hold me down, no you hold me down,

no... ill hold me down

im striving for truth

cause theres still some beauty in

this youth.

a lockdown

im at a lockdown like mr.west
i done lost da key
but i swore...i did my best
now i got these niggas at my back
i gotta stop, sign this contract
to neva give my heart out again
the way i gave it to you.
this aint no scene with flashing lights
cause with all of the violence and fights
its mo of da scene of broken lights
i concur, and signify that you still have my heart
but you dont care
so could you jus leave it on ya shelf
til i get there
a lockdown, for a pretty long time
im clocking in signing this resignation
on a lockdown
forgetting the code combination
to serenity
cause my work is never ova.
yo,you hear this 808?
huh??
whoa,i feel hate on hate
ima jus lay here and pretend
it's really da only way
this inflated heart can mend
im in a lockdown
here we go round n round.
it'll never stop.
my heart needs your love to have a constant beat.
or else, your absence will define
the word ...defeat

this lockdown is a constant ache
oh lover??
please find the key to this heartbreak.

for she has made you into a ...man

and that wasn't exactly our plan

but she wins, cause she literally

has your life in her hand.

a baby in her stomach

your eyes, have not realized

such a bittersweet prize

but it was me, you...decieved

and now you...recieved

the unexpected

as i lay here...rejected

soon baby, your fingerprints will feel a sudden kick

and naturally ...that will make me sick.

Due to your lies, I comply, but really

all i can do is sigh, as you bluntly say

bye

i cant see how you propose to me

then say...shes having my baby

it's hurting, cause these are your

confessions

and i just die here with a now empty

obession

and start my

regression

lord help me

but really lord help them

god bless them

for he will become a man

because of ....her

and all i can do is move on

in the exhausting blur

but good luck and good riddance

with the unexpected,



liar

be still (just a dream)

"be still"
the exact simple words you said
you whispered them
and it found a way into my stubborn head
and i didnt know healing
could be your lips on my shoulder
my god, the feeling.
i havent felt this way in a long time
and i like you and i wish u were mine
i was tossing n turning
and dying, my heart was burning
and then...
you... grab my hand.
and told me..
be still
thats all.
and i froze
and realized
maybe i dont need an artifical heart.
it hit me that,each new day
equals a brand new start.
all because of the words
be still
you felt the intensity in me
you saw the invisble scars
and you saw a reflection
of what i long to be
how?!
last night was one of the best nights ever
wish i knew your name
cause you are so not like the same
you are one of a kind
and im asking you, maybe wondering.
whats in your mind
that you, can whoa.find
all the pieces to my heart.
you make me feel more than beautiful
even though im a big mess
you make me feel worthy of at least
the 1st place trophy
and yes, i like you
i love liking you,
i like crushing on you
so lets not grow old so fast
i jus want to thank you for your two words


thats starting to make me forget the past.

we move on, we do

we move on
it's part of the list
and good riddance
i wish you the best
there is nothing i want less
for you and for me
we move on, not again to hide
and i conclude
we had a good ride
you see, i was your storm
and you were my storm
but after every storm
blooms a new rose
and i propose
...we were each other's
beautiful disaster
i'm happy to see you happy,
it's all i ever wanted from you
even though there was nothing
i could do.
but we move on
because we have no choice.


good riddance

admit it darling and get on with ya life (part of the list)

aiight ima put my guard down
look in the mirror
with this piercing frown
and realize that...
oh hell
..
i miss you meng
for a moment
i release this cleng, of
me acting tough
cuz i miss you
and i've had enough
with pretending you're in my bed
...
sick of screamin'
get the fuck out of my head
but something always reminds me of you
from lovers to new jersey was on the news
...
its all bout you
n im such a good runner
cuz i admit, i ran pretty fast from
the memories of us
but it ends up
with me,myself, and i in a fuss
...
"get it together girl"
his/her's advice chokes me
to capture the world
because im still young at heart
...
but yes i miss you
and i didnt know what i had until
you were gone
until i fucked up royally
and i know you wont read this
cuz "im nothing but the dust"
in which you clean off your shelf now
...

but whats theres to lose
when i admit

i love you.

thank you music. thank you me

yes my heart is still bleeding.
yet i hear you still beating.
in my ear, im never lost without you.
cause you always near.
my eyes beam out a constant fear.
but oh god, i love what i hear
someone once said
when you hear music, you feel no pain.
and i- i- ..im going insane
but when i sing, when i strum, when i play
theres always hope, something i know
that theres a new day.
music, i dream in notes.
i strive in crescendos.
i cry with vibrato.
and i learn with rhythm.
such a human form, but not quite yet
its more like a partnership.
i play and in a way you say everything will be ok.
i sing and you make me forget all the bad things
i strum and its an incredible calming lullaby you hum
its all a partnership
music.. what a beautiful word and meaning
youre the thing i crave fiening
someone else said
if god is a dj, life is dancefloor,love is rhythm, and you are the music
i am music.
and i thought i was breaking my heart, but really
im keeping myself from falling.

i am music.

wha the (11:39pm)

you came back into my life
ha, like you were suppose to.
like i was one of them helpless girls
to wait for you.
you poofed right back into my memories
like some new kind of energy
like i would love you again to infinity.
i like how you offer your last name on a platter to me.
to make matters worse.
but you already did jus that.
yes?
you got a sharp knife and stabbed my back
yeah, it hurt.
you left with her, paid for the cab
while i watched, and signed into rehab
remember?
cuz im shocked how, you come back to me
telling me, thats she's on the leave.
pffft...but i could care less.
yes i consider myself too, a mess
but im out here, hustlin,
strivin to do my best
cause i wont settle with our memories in my nightly rest
oh hell naw baby
i rather be, alone forever, than curl up
back in your arms.
cause you got some damn nerve
assuming, concluding that id be waiting for you,stupid
you almost killed me, and matter fact you did ...
for the worse, yet the better.
so here's our secret, our last love letter

to you from me
i despise you
sincerly...
me

breaking my own heart

i dont cry anymore
cause the sky does it for me
the rain at which it touches
your cheek, shares a fraction
of what i lost, of what i seek

i just smile at myself
when im doing the inevitable
...
cause its the only way to cope
you see, im breaking my own heart
and starting to lose hope

poems here, poems there
lie up, and lie down
smile gone, and heres my frown

...

i understand
life. must. go. on
but could you please just
answer your phone?

...
you like seeing me suffer
you knew in the end..
id break my own heart


imagine this, audience..
a dark cold stage
you and your mind fully engaged
in a break through performance
of a solo act,of a female holding
her heart up, barely beating...
yes you'd still be watching with
your fascination, his resignation
and my humilation..
blend quite well together.

im doing this to myself.
who knew, after all the pointed fingers in this game,
id be ...

the one to blame.

the end

you give up too easy
cause i fall
you fall
we all fall down
i smile
you frown
and hey! you'll need tickets
for this merry go round
i rise
you rise
than we fall
what a fucking surprise
yeah, i messed up
well bulk up
oh ok,this makes me the bigger bitch
but you still got this itch
that wont dissolve
and its bugging me
cause im trying to finally open
my eyes to see
let me be
you said to forget you
thats what i'll do
ive already surcomed to
get some rest
i've surcomed to love second best
so let it be
let it be
stop it..
let me be
let us be
yes...asap
i will pay my guilt fee
but just let me be
get out your fucking trance
because we no longer dance
in the moonlight
which that moon is at a different height
it's the end
i did my part
and got me
an artificial heart
so let me
be

pharmacy line

you see my heart is tearing
everytime you say you love me.
don't you feel the distance
it's literally hard to breath.
i go left, you right.
then come together
for a daily fight.
do i love you?
i don't know
i don't know who you are.
i've actually never met you before
because there was really no one at my door.
i made you up.
sniffed you up
smoked you up.
shot you up.
don't you see?
you're a drug
honestly, you're a
viral bug.
and i need some medicine quick
hurry please
before i run for another fix.
the fix, the hits, the mix
of broad pleasure than pain.
oh, it's precisely measured.
thanks mr. pharamacist
but ima need something
stronger than that.

a virgin's road

she has no clue
into what is coming to her
she doesnt realize the
pain, yet pleasure
that will be gained, and
precisely measured
between the two
who will have that role?
who knows?
but taking her away
is his goal
she dreams and laughs
at the humor of
connection
but doesnt know of the
convection
the instant splurge of
warmth and emotion
waiting to enter
she just doesnt know
cant quite remember
the time when she use
to play with dolls
she equals to girl into lady
to the sketches of a woman
but see?
she doesnt recieve
on the upcoming
beauty
to unfold in her
the untold adventures of
physical unity
hmm she is not aware
of such a love affair
that will change her life
she knows every detail
every scene
but obscence to the actuality
the reality of...sex
god help her
she will soon know
and she will have a clue
ha...who knew?
she will understand
...but for now
she wait for the
right man.

deep down (cont' to Bye New Jersey)

it's killing me to forget that there was no .us
it's killing me to pretend it was nothing, but the. dust
that chokes me now, and the tears, that vow
that they would cleanse the heart
but im getting impatient
we're so far far far apart
but you gave me something that wont leave me the hell alone
i too dream with a broken heart
and dont know where to start the new life
cause im still pretending im your wife
with the knifes and spoons all organized
"bye honey!" i'll see you soon
but ...you have to recognized
his heart is broken, shattered into pieces
and while i diligently search for every part
i find a dart
that seemed to break your heart in the first place
that generate the emotionless face
and sucked all the pleasant grace from you
i focus to much on what could be
while you focus on what you see
the doubt
distance
frustration
curl my fist as i write
hold the tears that i fight
extend your fears, they're here
laughing at me
still thinking about .us
the love and the . lust
aren't i enough
and look at me now
look at you now
should i say the word bow
but how can we take such pride in the massacre
of taking each other's hearts out.
i dont believe in healing anymore.
cause i tried it
and im back
.............at your door.

step two: recovery

i kissed your lips
but i tasted his mouth
emerging into the girl
i tried not to be
but some of it
is because of you
dont you see
fling to fling
we cling only for a few days
yah, take another shot
its your way
of getting over your dirty habits
you dirty whore
i thought i left addiction
when it seems that this
is
non-fiction
i gotta get to you
while he kisses my neck
yah, envision the scene
far from getting clean
there is only one
and it's you, but
you know im no good
this mess has become impossible to fix
but i need you in my life
would have been different
if i was your wife
but uh.. i am ashamed
this is so lame
to be writting this
but believe it or not
i love you
but i have to stop writting

....he's here

step one:admitting it

i kissed your lips
but i tasted his mouth
emerging into the girl
i tried not to be
but some of it
is because of you
dont you see
fling to fling
we cling only for a few days
yah, take another shot
its your way
of getting over your dirty habits
you dirty whore
i thought i left addiction
when it seems that this
is
non-fiction
i gotta get to you
while he kisses my neck
yah, envision the scene
far from getting clean
there is only one
and it's you, but
you know im no good
this mess has become impossible to fix
but i need you in my life
would have been different
if i was your wife
but uh.. i am ashamed
this is so lame
to be writting this
but believe it or not
i love you
but i have to stop writting

....he's here

crescendo of a morning prayer

god, my vision
is to clean this collision
this mess of confessions
including this itching obession
big words here and there
all im saying is im
alone in this fair
i gotta hold myself down
yes, but its hard with
all these frowns
im at a point where life gets
dynamic
im frantic, this mind is sick
god, oh lord
im getting bored
a prelude to insanity
but can you send me an angel?
ah, yes , it's a celebration
this collaboration, the fucking
imiation
of trying to be someone else
is killing me
im at the point
where i need help
i cant do this by myself
lord, here me
i scream
on my knees
begging please
clean this heart
my tears and this pencil led
dont match together
heavily said
when the tears are light as a feather
hold me down
lord, i need you
gotta feel you
hold me down

... take my frowns

got me hatin on these disney princesses

she found her prince
why cant i?
sitting here with this
annoying alibi
snow white, you ate
the apple!!!
and die
then you got the guy?!
its all a fucking lie
to sigh at
sleeping beauty, while
she is sleeping, it turns out
im weeping at the fact
that these
broads got what they wanted
what a spoiled brat i am
it just some movies
but look
for one day id like to be
a disney princess
to runaway and hide
waiting for my magic carpet ride
like jasmine
correct me, it has been
a long time since
ive been witha fella
ya, whatever cinderella
with your glass slippers
shit, look at me
ugh, even the girl
under the sea
found her prince
oh , what to do
what to do
night and day
ha, and still no play
but im hatin
on the typical
disney goddess
trying hard to be modest
but these cartoons. ah
cant help it , but
thanks walt disney
(sarcasm)

continutation...its a celebration bitches

i may not have a man beside me
but please oh please
dont remind
me of the fee
of waking up alone
but i think i should be
more grateful
gotta stop being so hateful
for i have a roof under my head
and such a decent bed
so what the hell am i complaining
about?
swimming in all this doubt
but hey!! it's a celebration bitches
such a young soul, searching for the smallest thing
so just scratch that, let me hear
the horns and drums
im going out tonight
forgetting about the struggle, the fight
the hate, the fake, just bake me a cake
cause what?!
it's a celebration
this is not where i stand
not my potential height
im strong, yet very wrong
but
look at this gorgeous faith
of mine
you will find
i have a bittersweet mind
but hey! it's a celebration
no contimination
i got all i need
for the main thing im craving
for is
new colors
in my life
the incision
my decision
to let go
forget it all
for i feel closer
to my solution
of this life- long
confusion
but for now,
it's a celebration lovers
grab a drink
for my self esteem
it seems
is gonna be alright
...tonight

you

yes... you
i hate you
i forgive you
i breathe you
dont wanna lose you
i forget you
yet, im obessed with you
i enjoy you
i convoy you
i want you
need you
resist you
kiss you
when you're away
i miss you
jesus, just give me 5 minutes
to taste you
to embrace you
to adore you
this is something out the ordinary
because
i believe you
yet im scared of you
the chill to
touch you
the charming luck
to fuck you
opps i meant make love
either way
i fantasize
i recongnize
that this is raw
but theres this ocean of emotions
damn, i had to fall
i wanna hit you
hold you
oh my, you're golden...you
thank you
no thank you
god bless you
with you im bi-polar
with all the mixed emotions
the more devotion
of me to you
you to me provokes
no offense
but
i live you
i desire you
i follow you
i lead you
i have you
i despite you
i fight you

damn... i love you

standing in the middle of the road

i feel like a stupid little girl
sitting on a rock called
addiction
i just wish meeting you was
fiction
my life story is so confusing
with these swirls
you'll find it amusing
im trying to leave the worst
searching for an unknown hand
to pull me out of this
static land
where im choking,
stuck between recession and progression
i ask others , to see how they feel
but they look at me
as if im not even real
god, am i real?
cause i feel
abstract
with the facts
scattered everywhere
in the waiting room
waiting for a resolution
this mental institution
what am i gonna do?
sick of prosthestic solutions
i wanna start it all over again
clean slate
just tell me where to began
cause i dont understand

WWW3 (World Weeping War)

the only thing i can do is sleep
when i heard it all before
yea , yea, the weeping war
we beg for more , the craving
of power and greed is all
our world needs, uh?
where am i to go?
searching , searching
and still. i dont know
because the only place thats ringing
is where the angels are singing
in heaven... got to wait
but in the waiting line
i dance
as this sun shines
because this life
is no one's but mine
the weeping war
is what i'll call it
an opening and closing door
for they say
there is so little love
yet so much
lord...
we all just need our hearts touched.

the beauty of healing

the beauty of fresh air
never seemed so sweet to me
i can take off my glasses
and clearly see
with the gorgeous sight of getting up
from a fall
the paradox of giving your
all
with one final tear
the constant fluidity of fears
how do you feel? with healing
a rhetorical question
of this distant feeling
beautiful disaster, here you are
staring me in the eye
i know all your tricks and lies
now from baby to girl to woman
im leaving it today
jumping into the change
of risk
if i insist, i'll jump first
cause there is a long line
of the necessity of the healing
process of a human
ill leap first
with the sudden burst
ill go first

...here i go..

to be continued

diffrence from a boy and a man's touch

yeah... i felt both
unsure of the human hand
i thought i had good man
his touch was like candy
but artifically sweet
just like his love
with the candle dying out
his touch,that boy's touch
...diminished
and here we are
extinct and finished
but the difference
with a man's touch is powerful
the glide of his hands
gives chills
you crazy girl
you start needing pills
this man's touch haunts you
when he's not present
oh my lord, the resonance
with a boy's touch is just a touch
damn, it's nothing much
compared to a man's
lord have mercy
you start to make future plans
i got a good man beside me,i got a strong man
thank you lord
for i know the difference froma boys touch
versus
a man's touch

mmmm girl

mmm girl...
i aint the one to gossip
but what you doing with those high heels
mhmm, that stilleto feel
ah no you didnt
looking all different
with that black dress
you over here swearin it
aint no mess
walking around like that
babygirl, just watch ya back
look at me
i aint the one to gossip
all them boys aint searching for ya heart
is this some new confidence and new dedication?
or do you need me to go
get ya medication?
hey hey! now
all im saying is
be you
do you
and love you
yeah, you know who
sunday morning, you ask yourself
who am i?
a disaster or a lullaby
smothered mascara with a man on ya bed
too many drinks?
hoping hard, that you just only gave head
hmmm. girl i aint the one to gossip
but uh

..who are you?

lay baby lay

wake up! wake up!
ah, with the sun's white rays
stretching out my window
has anyone ever told you how gorgeous
you look when you open your eyes
oh you got me hooked again
surprise!
lay with me,stay with me
dont leave
romantic to frantic
no, we're not on the titantic
but you keep me sane
it took me awhile to realize
how golden you are
so stay
while i'll get my guitar
i'll just play
relax and love our day
we spend, while our hearts mend
with me , theres no worries
with you, im in no hurry
you make me happy and sad
and mad and glad
haha, i had to rhyme
but im just so blessed to know you
are always mine
i thought serenity was too far
but its right here
laying with me, so near
what kind of world would it be
without you
i couldnt , never would
imagine me

wow...this is about you

Wow...
look at us
through all the mess and the dust
we're still holding hands
best friend, we still love
with our broken plans
good lord, god put us together for some reason
im here, you're there
the different seasons
you remember our first fight?
boy, how could i forget that night?
but look...at...you...
you aint no boy any more
you a man now...
but wow..
look at us
remember when we're little
playing in the sand?
im still in shock by looking at you
this man, who grew with me
hand in hand
friend to lover, lover to friend
whats the difference?
this will never end
awe-struck on your commitment and dedication
i wrote this poem, looking at you
playing the play station
wow...glenn
...we made it

good night and good luck

A thousand miles
and I ask
is leaving you, worth my while?
when i drive away from your gorgeous face
I'll keep a steady pace
never to forget the memories
the bad, good and the bittersweet
what the hell am i escaping to?
a new life or maybe im just a plain fool
cause home is where the heart is
my home is basically in your arms
but i still leave
running to the woman
i envision in my dreams
she just wants be free...
to maybe just start again
let go of all of these sins
when you keep singing
"when can i see you again"?
when will our hearts mend?
but for now this is all i will write
you say goodluck
...i say goodnight


-dedicated to my love ones.. my home.
I'll love and miss you all.

0 views

okay...
today, hey, I'm a write the perfect poem for you, listen
the good same, this isn't lame
my fame, isn't a game
gotta rhyme every second, every time
more stuff in my mind
ahh!! I'm running out of words to oh..
find
no drugs, no bugs, sitting here like a slug
staring at my empty coffee mug
ah crap, oh snap, need a map
to find more rhymes, oh no! oh my!
the perfect poem starting to dry
into the maize of confusion
if I don't find another matching word
to build my rhyming pyramid to the top! ahhhh!!!
STOP...
i know what you're thinking
you're either wondering what the fuck?
or you're on the same road as me
most of you, are WTFing
it's alright, you're swimming in my mind
don't fall behind
opps... not trying to rhyme
just talk to my gorgeous judging audience
what's the perfect poem?
does it have to rhyme?
or mostly just speak our minds?
is it always about us?
is it always about you?
50 stanzas or 2?
I can't answer these questions, don't care
they don't matter
theirs no point of view in this passage
it's ok to talk aimlessly sometimes
keep your open mind...open
i guess
man, i dont know what i'm talking about
i'm a mess

...damn

i wont say your name, elliot

When you took my heart away
I looked up and waited for words God would say
When your back turned against me
Lost and lonely, I could, oh man...
no longer see
For once you said I love you, three beautiful words
that werent true
It's been years since you left
but I found beauty through all your theft
So when you loved another
I loved the world
Emerging to a woman, no longer "your girl"
When you stay back to get your fill
I ran foward, leaving the depression and pills
Now, I can't lie and say I'm not over you
I will never be over you
but the man I knew...died
I would of stayed with you forever
but when you died
... it was for the better...

beautiful stranger

What in the world?
Who are you?
Well I'm an insecure girl.
Broken heart after another.
Same routine, cry, talk to mother.
But who are you?
Your eyes gave me a brand new day.
The precious things you say.
Tell me you name.
You could be good for me.
I have a taste for danger.
Where did you come from?
Just kiss me on my neck.
Mmmm.
Sweet ocean breeze on the deck.
Who are you, gorgeous?
You're my adventure.
Star after star.
Spring sun.
Don't leave me.
And keep me wanting more
To keep me trap in the bore
And to wonder what's your name

bye new jersey

Wild orchid falls on the table.
To see you love, now you're unable.
God bless you, you're the man,
I'd like to kiss all day.
Explore you as we lay.
Understand your broken heart,
Even though we're miles apart.
So, the woman that will get you,
Better love you,more than me.
She better damn well see what I see.
More than those green eyes, that always
Sang me a lullaby.
Letting go of you, is like letting go of my mind.
I am in love with you, yet this is a depart letter.
I'm walking away, praying life to get better.

But now, in black and white,
An orchid falls on the table,
To see you love, now I'm unable...

dark spots of the mind

Cocaine
Vodka
Decieved
I did it all
I rise then fall
Where my suicide attempt comes to mind
Sorry, this is rated R
So no happy time
The used
I'm abused
And so damn confused
I'm fucking out of my mind
No wonder you left me behind
Serenity and love, soon I'll find
Now
The blood on the sink
Shh...its not what you think
Just a little cut
Don't worry, doesnt hurt
So DONT promise that you will never go
When you did
Now I'm the queen of the low
The queen of pain
I'm going insane
Just wish I never met you


...but i did

take me back to new orleans

the big easy.
where the jazz moves me.
take me back to new orleans.
don't matter the damage.
fat fried food.
mmm Louisiana.
oh, the southern mood.
take me to the rejected.
the rejected, yet it's reflected
that everything gon' be alright.
we still gon dance in the night.
so play that sax, blow that trombone.
i aint going home.
so lets make a scene.
i know this is your favorite city.
so let's be fiends.
fall in love again.
in new orleans.
rhyme after rhyme, goes by the time
of you, just on my mind.
take me back to the big easy.
love me, don't be chessy.
fall in love with me again.
in new orleans.

you're my juliet, im your romeo

I know it sounds weird
but I found you, like Romeo did.
I was on a voyage to get you.
You following me?
Your eyes caught me, like a fish in the sea.
Oh, my juliet, how thee longs to be with you.
Oh,I do.
The urge to caress and hold you.
Have care,for your heart wont tear.
My love, I will be there.

Yet we are so far away.
Dont think about that.
Just be with me...lay
Someway.some day...
My Juliet.
My all, baby...
Baby, I wont let you fall.

For you are my Juliet and I'm your Romeo...

note to self

Get up gorgeous.
I hear you crying.
He hurt you, but you're not dying.
The sun will still rise.
New beginning , beautiful surprise.
Chin up, tears dry.
Ready to step out?
You're learning, that whats it's all about.
Beautiful, gorgeous, angel,strong.
Get your guitar,sing your song.
Where do you begin?
You have to lose, to win.
Young girl, don't hide.
Your knight will come out of nowhere.
You'll know the right time to have love to share.
Beautiful woman, let your hair down.
Upside down,leaves your frown.
Let your dress, dance with the breeze.
Be yourself.
Say, I love me.
He did you wrong, she hurt you.
Woman, it's life, it's what people do.
Don't say I love you so fast.
Look forward, have fun. It will
last.

Beautiful woman

flatline anger

Im mad!
Fuck! Damn! no-
Don't tell me to be glad.
I'm sick of this shit.
Ya, I'm on a cussing streak.
Hello! I'm having a fit.
Give me a glass, so I can throw
It against the wall.
This man- He let me fall.
Damn it-I said I love you.
I'm such a fucking fool.
But I do...I love him and thats
The problem.
I guess what we have is just fun.
Please don't give me a gun.
Someone save me, but don't touch me.
These are some fresh wounds.
I'm losing it, can't anyone see?
Fuck, I love you, I love you.
But you dont care.
Understand the unhappiness you have...
Let go and share.
With the girl that was going to run to you.
She was gonna save you.
But fuck, why should I?
This was another lie...


Bye

the 4.0

no, not 200, not 6, but 4.0
its the way to go
if you want sucess,yes, with a capital S
college dreams
its all of what it seems
go longhorns,sooners,aggies?
ah, i dont know,trojans?
look around, youre stepping out
hope you know what it's about
Do your homework and you'll pass
but i did and still didnt learn
4.0! anything lower,oo,what a burn
get my point? aint nothing but numbers
in this education joint
123456, we are all in the mix
forgot how to learn , us,kids
just only dance with numbers
no one understands the word learn
wonder why we look away and turn
its all about 4.0
oh !!!!or you just below....

my unborn child

When I make you
I'll know you'll be
Beautiful inside and out
God is good,no doubt

Father here or not
Your ma always gonna be there
To comb that hair
For I will be your eyes , when you cant see
I wonder what you'll be
He or she
Know you can run to me

Now I ain't making you soon
But I thought about you
And the hideous bump
You gonna give me

My unborn child
I vow to love you
Accept and cherish what you'll do
Hold you in my arms
Then let you go into life's harm

Beautiful inside and outside
You...thats what my life will be about
Don't care about the pain
This is god's gift, Ima gain


...My unborn child

honeymoon

I'd like it this way
back and forth, then sway
hey!!! you gay?!
ha, I'll stop but
last night my voice reached the top
you know how to do it well
you know what "it" is
I'm no whore
I just want more
hurt me, get rough
don't care I'm tough
oh gah, I can't get enough
I'm no nympho
I know when to stop
I'll be the criminal, you the cop
silk dress, hair down, sunset
romantic yet?
hold me tenderly
slowly get into me
chills, spills up and down the spine
just glad to know you're mine
ah man, you fine
but I'll be yo freak
no, don't seek
all night all day
scream and moan I love you

After our wedding ..I do.

the r&b angel (dedicated to aaliyah)

I know I'm late but you cross my mind.
You were R&B's fate.
You would ride or die.
Hmmm..this girl was fly.

We need a resolution
We have so much confusion...
She told us.
Don't rock the bus.
Rock the boat and work the middle.
The jams.
So Beautiful.

You sent a 4 page letter.
And when I heard it, I felt better.
I could relate to your lyrics girl.
You gave good music to the world.
Advice to dust yourself off and try again.
But proved your love is
one in a million.

Music is not the same without your beats.
It's not the same when we move our feet.
Music isn't the same without your voice
Aaliyah..
You already know you're a rejoice.

R&B Angel...We miss you
One in a million

i aint done bitching

Your promises were gold to me
but soon, my finger turned green.
Please oh lord! He's not loving another.
Oh god...Oh mother.
I'll try my hard to make this rhyme.
Oh shit...Ima speak my mind.
As I grew I became more elegant...
So fuck you!!!
Opps let it slip...
I remember you touching her hip.
Unforntunately, you were my first love.
My first love, no one came above.
Hm...love
We're both young, we don't understand.
I'm just a girl, you definetly ain't no man.
But tell me please, how did you plan?
Me then her?
Kiss me then screw her?
That's how you were.
Oh,I leave classy
with my head held high.
Middle finger to your face
You're such a disgrace. don't need mace!
So I ain't done bitchin yet babe.

throwback

What happen to the days
Oh, the day
When music use to take you away?
Nah, I ain't talking about
that crankin
But RESPECT by Ms.Franklin
When she gave R&B an anthem
Look at it here now, you don't know
Nothing bout that Marvin Gaye
Hm, back in the good ol day
What happen to that?
Yes, us?
We only know how to degrade and cuss
Ah, it's a man's world says James Brown
His voice took so much control
While Billie Holiday got into your soul
You feel that nowadays?
Singing your blues away to Georgia, Like my man
Ray Charles
Naw, we just remix it and swear its a hit.
We gotta go back
Way back
Into the time of the A-track , ma said

The Legends...
they deserve a visit.

Thank you for the music.

pimpin days are over

Oh, I found the man
Falling in love wasnt the plan
I see you and no one else will simply do
Baby, I got you
No more hoes, no more show.
You the winner cause you took
this pimp's flow.


How did you get me weak
When this pimp's hand was strong
I thought I was right
But you proved me wrong
Put the cane up
And the pimp cup


You got me and got me good
This pimp is no longer a pimp
I found the one and only
Never to be lonely.

nyc dreams

Come with me
We'll live in the NYC
Penthouse or apartment
We'll live the dream.
Sick of dreams and fantasy
We gotta do the reality

Working hard day and night
Just know it will be alright
Dont say I guess, it feeds to the mess
You got me, I got you
Fighting hard is what we do

It's hard, I know
Depression is the #1 show
No? Whoa!! Dont go.
Stop givin up on our lows.

Ah!The NYC
Ah, the dream
Our dream
We gotta stick together
Sooner or later it'll get better

Poor or rich
Lifes a bitch
Ya, I've heard it before
But we tune em out
We know wat it's bout
You got me, I got you
You know how we do...


We're Famous...

dont listen

If you hear me calling out your name
Don't listen
If hear me crying out my pain close your ears
It doesn'thurt, so don't bother.
I can take care myself, so sit down


Don't listen, im ok
It's only internal bleeding
Don't help me, it all right
U don't care anyway
Cuz u don't listen

I don't care to get cussed out in front of your friends
Its ok, my heart stopped beating
I'll be fine, don't u worry
I clean the mess you made
Ill dries my eyes, with my own hands.

Don't listen , im ok
It's only internal bleeding
Don't help me, it's all right
U don't care anyway, cuz u don't listen

It doesn't hurt, my face, after you hit it hard
Im ok, im rather perfect.
Are you ok, you seem to be annoyed by your girlfriend
I hope she's ok

Don't u dare to listen to me

Cuz im leaving
I need some help
I keep screaming help
When I look into the mirror
Lies,lies I tell my friends .its ok
We're alright
No fights

So, don't listen, im ok
It's only internal bleeding
Don't help me, it's all right
U don't care,
Cuz u don't listen anyway

the most beautiful woman to touch the sky

Stop crying.
You're not dying.
She was a sad girl in the corner.
Alone and sitting with her guitar.
She dreams of flying far.


Shut up.
Get your heads in those books.
She sang alone. questions her looks.
She smiles.
Cause in the end it'll will be worth her while.


Ya, we're over.
I dont want you.
She sighs , looks up.
She knows she gonna touch the sky.
Go ahead girl! do it!


This girl is for any girl.
Feeling worthless in this cruel world.
For any girl who doesn't feel pretty enough.
Look inside you, babe...

Thats the true beauty.

you are my cocaine...but i gotta go to rehab

oh god, it's never gonna happen.
who are you kidding?
i admit youre kinda my cocaine babe
but youre just killing me.
ima warn you this poem isnt gonna rhyme.
so sorry if im wasting your time.
Like any addict
drugs are a beauty.
not for long.
they will do you wrong.
youre slowly telling me the truth.
and im slowly getting hurt.
youre just like cocaine.
you getting me?
if not.
its still your after effects that are making me woozy.
so i gotta go to rehab
i gotta let you go.
i enjoyed you cocaine.
but im hurting in those dark nights.
i gotta put you aside.
leave my addiction.
you are my drug...

tell him

Let me grab my guitar
sit down
Dont sit too far.
Im looking at you,
you interesting person.
Oh my, you're looking at me.
Wake up girl! play that song
so he can see.
How much you mean to be.
You are worth more than what you think.
So put your head up baby,
Youre not gon sink.
Look at me, as I sing you this song.
Ima make sure nothing is wrong.
We are so far away.
So take this with you
you are incredible.
Don't let anybody tell you different.
My eyes see beauty and even though I wear glasses
I know you are fantastic.
So hear my song..

the best of me

The best of me belongs to me.
The beauty of being free.
I am sucess...
not through clothes or money but
to love myself, like I love honey.
Oh, I'm so funny they say.
Such a care free laugh
while I take my hot bath.


The best of me shines bright
even in my dark moments
in the night.
To love others like never before
To sooth their sores.


The best of me...
It's the gorgeous me.
Not the girls we see on TV.
But that beautiful personality.

The best of me...
In love with serenity
As I drive in my car.
feeling this symphony.
Letting the notes serenade me.


I am free

I am me

This is...

The best of me...

walk away

I'll walk away as you live
thats all I got to give.

I'll walk away as the years pass.
For we will grow so fast.

I'll walk away from your life.
As you kiss your gorgeous wife.

I'll walk away, but is that your daughter?
What are you gonna call her?

I'll walk away. your son?!
He's handsome like you hun.

I'll walk away from you.
But I wont stray away from what we had
without you, I'm pretty much going mad.

...But I'll walk away for the longrun.
ah man, we had some fun.

come back

you drivin home?
please pick up your phone.
i just heard your message.
and realize, dont want to be alone.


be safe
ill wait
pretend i got your hand
back in the day when you
were my man.


fergie said big girls dont cry.
but im pretty sure, she lied.
i need you
i do

hurry, cant you drive faster
to feel your warmth.
i got to feel you
by midnight

its daylight

your here...

im there...

i got trouble

Oh, dont put your hand on me.
You're being unfaithful.
Didn't you call your girl.
Eh, she's so hateful.
I got trouble, Mr.Man.
We should end this lustful plan.
It was fun at first, but soon,
my heart gon burst.
This ain't nothingbut the physical.
you on me, me on you.
Then we're done.
Thats all it is to it, hun.
I believe we need to stop.
For I got troubles.
Increasing to the top...

the people

My brotha, when you gonna be man?
Shape up and have a plan.
Sistagirl, you're still young, so lets
stop using your tongue.
You got the world in front of you,
so take it
theres no limits due.
My friend, you are in pain,
just stand there
in the quiet and dwell.
You're gonna be ok,
I can tell.
Me, oh no I'm not perfect,
got a long way to go.
But he's got my back,
I know.
For us humans,
we are beautiful.
We are like roses,
we all bloom.
We just wait for our doom.
Enjoying the blooming process,
it does not last long.
It is as short as a song.
For this is a song for the ones who are confused...
the world

father love your princess, whose ashamed to fly

You were there when I was created
But where were you?
When I screamed "mommy", my first word.
Oh, I wish you should of heard.
Dont be selfish, your name was gonna be recited soon.
But you werent there when I said your name, I could of swore by noon.You were there when I was even thought of.
I'd search for you, when I need a hug.
You weren't there, for the moments to share.
Oh, daddy, I need you.
Your love was a need for me to be feeded.
I admit that I cry because I miss you.
You say you'll try your best,promising to forget all the rest to be with your daughter.
But you didnt, so it's time for me to lick my wounds,
run to my mother's caccon, for she has saved me
from myself.
As years pass, like its about to now,Your has
daughter grown.
though there is a space in her heart that is always alone.
I'll look out the window dad...

4:52am

At 4 am, I admitted to myself, that I like you.
Believeing I go crazy at everything you do.
Oh goodness, youre so damn beautiful.
At 4:10 am, I walked around the silent home, talking
prentending I was with you walking.
I could hold your hand,you could hold mine.
We would watch the stars shine, but really id be watching your eyes.
Whats wrong with me, Im in the state of allusions
All this thinking about you, just gives me confusion.
Sweet Confusions, that I love dwelling in.
At 4:25, drank some tea, and looked at your picture..
What If...
At 4:37, I played on my guitar, I wanna play for you.
sing you your favorite song, to show you youre not
alone...
At 4:48, I stopped, started created words, for this poem in my head. I know I should go back to bed. I just had to stop holding this in, so what better way to recite, than art.
To write about the fact that
youre close to my heart.
At 4:52, I'm finishing it up, don't know what will happen after I push the finish button, but I know I poured my feelings out, that could be right or wrong,
if anything I just wrote a song.
I like you, dont sue me, I like you, dont you see.
At 5:02, I still like you.

santa fe

In the desert sun
I watched my nerves come undone
One by one, my strings
They tangled into the knots
And every since that day
deep in Santa Fe
Ive learned to hate myself
Forgiving everything away
And if I dont come home tonight
Just know I tried my
Best to fight
Please dont think
I planned to lose to the night
And the crystal moon
So dull and bright
My heavy soul cant stand the light
It burns me straight to the bones
My bones...

<3 Marcie

the crazy poet

For a minute, I thought I was going crazy.
No, Im in love!
Wait,this just feels hazy.
For a minute I was going to chop my hair off.
What an accomplished fear..
Thanks to Ms. Spears
I'm not going crazy, I said! but...
For a minute, I was crazy to think war was no...
more.
Maybe to help the whore for she always ends up torn.
For a minute, I thought of leaving my man.
I was so confident, I had other plans.
Do I need help, I guess. Thats a good man you got!
They say...
But for a minute, I just wanted to run away.
Let me pray, but you stare...
knowing life is so cruel and unfair,
but my constant faith in the lord.
has given you the "fact" that this girl is going..
overboard.
Youre crazy, what do you see in god? he ask.
Poor man.
Don't judge the mind of this crazy poet, she's human too.
she falls and stumbles, just like you do

oh mother

You bring serentity...
but how do you bring such misery?
You made me, oh you love me.
But enough about me...
let me tell you what I see.
Brave, it was me that you saved.
Gorgeous, I know I'm not wrong, but I wish I was strong, just like you.
To see the things that you do.
thank you woman for the things you do.
My life I owe you, but for now I'll give you my kisses to ease the pain and sickness that you suffer.
I think I'm going to cry, because the thought of the word die.
Oh mother, I wont allow it...
Theres that stubborness.
You...are right here with me.
Together we live by the sea...


I love you mother. Illness cant hurt you.

fuckin coward

Too much pain.
I cant yell, in this burning hell.
Why do you test me?
Because of my sucess?
and you have less?
I think that is it, or maybe my color offends your eyes.
Im sorry, I didnt obey you.
I enjoyed every minute of walking away.
You are a coward,each and every hour.
You disgust me because FAKE is all I see.
Your betrayal is out, your in the spotlight.
So show the world your "might"...

a quick question

When it's "alone" time for you...
it's time with me.
You like me, I can see.
I trust you.
Your my constant faith.
I look into your eyes and see your simple grace.
More and more " I Love You" aren't never enough.
Can't you tell I stopped trying to be tough.
I let you in, that means something.
You,let me in when I was nothing.
I stopped my wishful thinking and actually started to live,
Oh baby,it's the care you give.
If you can love and care for others like you do.
I could only imagine, what I do to you.
"I Love You"...those words are said aimlessly nowadays.
It's so simple because it's just three words to say.
They mean alot to me ,something said not everyday, but three words to magically take my tears away.
You are my crisis, but also my angel.
I have never gone through such a maze...
I know you're right behind me through this journey.

the beginning of the 'i love you'

When it's 'alone' time for you...
it's time with me.
You like me, I can see.
I trust you.
Your my constant faith.
I look into your eyes and see your simple grace.
More and more ' I Love You' aren't never enough.
Can't you tell I stopped trying to be tough.
I let you in, that means something.
You,let me in when I was nothing.
I stopped my wishful thinking and actually started to live,
Oh baby,it's the care you give.
If you can love and care for others like you do.
I could only imagine, what I do to you.
'I Love You'...those words are said aimlessly nowadays.
It's so simple because it's just three words to say.
They mean alot to me ,something said not everyday, but three words to magically take my tears away.
You are my crisis, but also my angel.
I have never gone through such a maze...
I know you're right behind me through this journey.

broken guitar

Emotions,emotions running wild.
I feel like a child.
I can't run away from you. But you, you left so damn easy.
Did you even notice I wasn't breathing?
How do you mend the broken heart,does anyone know where to start?
For now I'll just play on my guitar
my broken guitar...
This guitar, it reminds me of me...
The out of tune strings remind me of my insecurities.
This boy who played me gentle...
ended up being the man who destroyed me.
Will I ever be happy?

i hope the say 'what comes around goes around' is true

What happens when karma, turns right around and bites you
Don't hide it now, you know what all that you do...
You try to run from it..
all the lies and shit...
but thats okay, hey! you know you're so full of it.
Has karma got you now?
You should just take a bow, what we had was fake baby.
but your acting... wow!
You deserve a standing ovation, you had me fooled.
Thank you for being so fucking cruel.
Your candle dying out, the time is ticking...
You need to watch your back
Cause karma is about to attack.
Close your eyes baby, and envision me
I want you to see that stronger woman ive became to be..
Im moving on now...
Its all up to karma...
karma.. do him right
He's weak..he wont fight
A lesson learn...
you know..What comes around ... goes around
I thought I told ya

to save me

I'm a mess
I have to confess
It's hard to love me. I'm a challenge
I'm not easy.
It's not the matter of can you handle me...
It's the question of how thick your love can be..
Take time to notice, that I try.
I won't give up.
I'm a disaster, so, why are you still here?
Why aren't you in fear?
My tears are acid, why are you wiping them away.
Please don't say it'll be okay.
I crave for your faith... your faith in me.
You still haven't gave up.
You try so hard to save me... but it comes down to me.
I thank you for loving me for me.

moments of you

The moments...
Those moments, oh, so beautiful.
You were in them every time, and even if you weren't...
You were on my mind.
My mind is full of you, full of your goodness and grace.
I wish I could touch your sweet face.
Those moments in time with you are a gift from god.
I embrace you
I won't forget you
I'll always miss you
I can't replace you and these...
moments

you and me

its like i got an unexpected gift
like my car broke down
and a limo gave me a lift
im feeling spoiled
when it comes to you
its your love, its what
you say and do
i love you?
you bring serenity
whoa...could you be the
man of my infinity?
don't deserve your perfection
oh, cause im so use to the rejection
and the heartbreak infection
but you baby.. im feeling
different with your
love injections
cause with you, its more than
your affection
it's the fact that im a mess
but for you... im simply
the best
you see we aint no beyonce and jay
or bonnie and clyde
we just 2 ordinary people
struggling ..side by side
cant believe you're standing next to me
i mean really...what the hell do you see?
all i know is that
you my number one
and i thank god
for my search is done.